the soundtrack of my life…

“What do you want to do with your life?”

Posted on: December 21, 2007

I swear that’s the million dollar question. Recently I was asked that question by one of my close friends and for once in my life I didn’t have an answer for it. I know what you’re thinking, what was your answer before and why isn’t it the answer now? Right? Well, anytime I’ve ever been asked that question previously, I always gave the P.C. answer or what I thought the interviewer wanted to hear. My answer used to be: I’m currently thinking about grad school, but I’m just not sure whether I want to get an MBA in Marketing or an MA in Advertising. Last week, a conversation with Decatur left me lost and confused:

Decatur: So what do you want to do? Like in life, what are your plans for the future?

Me: You know that’s a really good question. I don’t know; I’ve just kinda been going with the flow of life.

Decatur: Umm…that’s not a good thing.

Maybe I should give you some background. You see, I’ve always lived my life worried thinking about what other people want me to do. From choosing a major in college to the clothes I wear to who I associate with to what job I work. I’ve always been the “good girl.” In my family, I’ve always been the one to stay out of trouble. To do what pleases everyone. I went to private school from Pre-K to 8th grade, then went on to a college preparatory high school. I went straight to an HBCU, and graduated in 4.5 years. And now I’m working for in a corporate job and have been for the last 3 years. It’s been expected. I’ve never been arrested, never done drugs, don’t have any kids and truly don’t have any vices. Sure I have a couple of tattoos, but that’s about the most “rebellious” thing I’ve ever done.

To be honest, I never in a million years thought that I would’ve ever been in a corporate job. I’ve always felt as if I was WAY too creative for it. So what have I been doing here for the last 3 years, you may ask? I HAVE NO IDEA! It was cool having a “real” job at first and I have learned a lot. However, it’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m just going through the motions – and that was the last thing I wanted to happen. When you start going through the motions, you become complacent and find no reason to strive for anything different. I go to work, bullsh!t for 8 hours (give or take) and then go home. No real effort is put in between the hours of 7am and 3pm. And that’s cool, but it’s getting old.

So where do I go from here? Sure I have a few ideas, but no real concrete plan. It’s time for me to sit down and brainstorm. What do I enjoy doing? Hmm…let’s see. Being creative. Cooking. Kids. Entertaining. I think that’s a good start. Now it’s time to make some decisions…stay tuned!


2 Responses to "“What do you want to do with your life?”"

Good Morning Lauren!

I read this entry and completely identified with it.

It’s funny you should be doing this. I’ve been braindumping for the past 2 weeks and the revelations are amazing. This is a fabulous way to learn more about ourselves (those things that we know are there, but have gone unnurtured and/or have been repressed by so much daily busy busy busy nonsense/need to keep going/never stop and think lives.

I applaud you. Keep going!

Sounds like you are off to a good start. Good luck!!! Oh yeah I also identify.

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