the soundtrack of my life…

Archive for January 2008

I’m convinced that I really don’t like change. I don’t like when people change. I don’t like when situations change.

I remember when I graduated from high school and started my freshman year at college, I desperately wanted to go back to the comforts of senior year.

In 2004, when KRF left Atlanta and moved to California, then my best friend got a job opportunity in Lake Placid, NY and was considering the move from Atlanta, I felt like my world was coming to an end. I know I shouldn’t be so dependent on my friends but I am. It’s because I’m an only child and the friends that I have are more like family. Luckily, for me only KRF left and her move gave me a reason to go to L.A. every so often. For the most part all was well in my world…that is, until now.

One of my closest friends, Decatur, is planning on leaving Atlanta in a few months. I know he has to what he has to do. But it’s sad to know that he won’t be as accessible for ME, if I need to talk or just get away and be. I’ve gotten so used to him being there for ME whenever I needed him, and I know that when he leaves that will no longer be the case. I feel like I’m being so selfish right now. And I guess I am…I’m being VERY selfish. I feel like he’s leaving ME, even though his decision to leave has absolutely nothing to do with me. Don’t get me wrong, I want nothing best for him, which is why I’m happy that he’s going to be making the move. But it still sucks…

I really need to find a more productive way to deal with change…a mental breakdown is NOT a good look for the kid!

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I think it’s a sign that I’m FINALLY going in the right direction: “You have a lot on your mind and feel a strong need to communicate and gather ideas. Experience everything that happens to its fullest, and fill your mind with new and exciting ideas. this is a day of learning, and a day of experience. The growth you achieve today will help you in the future.”

What are five words you would use to describe you? loyal, entertaining, emotional, generous, unique

What are five words you hope others would use to describe you? honest, caring, funny, genuine, thoughtful

Do you bottle things up or let it all hang out? I usually bottle things out, but I’m working on not holding things in…

What is the best piece of advice you have ever received? It’s probably the advice that started me on this new journey I call “life”:

“…but I told you before, stop hanging on. Meaning don’t worry about everything with everybody. These people are around you trying to get where the want to be in life. It is time for you to focus on you getting up and working on getting to where you want to be…Like even with myself, I’m still going to be your friend whether you worry about me or not. It’s not to be rude, it’s simply to say, that people who really care about you. They aren’t going to trip if you have to show them less attention because you are focusing on self. Those that do trip, you more than likely don’t need them cause those are the same people the will pull you back down, because they don’t want you to leave them. Shawty find ya and passion and do what you want to do.” – Decatur

What drives you, fear or desire? Desire

What is your biggest regret thus far? Not getting into more trouble growing up.

You wake up at 2:00AM, what is on your mind? It depends on the reason I woke up…it could be that I was uncomfortable; I could’ve had a crazy or too realistic dream; I could’ve been thinking about what’s been going on in my life.

How many times have you been in love? Never.

How do you cope with rejection? Usually I go somewhere to be by myself and have a good cry. Reflect on the situation for a few days, then pull it together and try to move on.

What inspires you in the morning? Being able to live another day.

What makes you Angry? I don’t usually get angry, but on the rare occasion when I do get angry, it’s usually because someone I care about has hurt me in some way.

What does happiness mean to you? Happiness is…my family, my inner circle of friends, good music, cooking and entertaining, a good party, vacation…it’s all the things that I love in life.

Are you a good liar? I do my best not to lie…though I do occasionally stretch the truth a bit…

What do you hope happens when we die? When we die, I hope that we go to a place that is pure love and happiness. I don’t know what it would look like, as I think it would look different for everyone – based on each individuals idea of love and happiness. I hope to see all of the people that I’ve loved and lost the same way I remember them.

What is the meaning of life? That’s a good question…I’m going to have to think about that one and get back to you…

I hope that you all had a safe and enjoyable evening last night. 

It’s time for me to reveal my theme for 2008.  For the past few years, I’ve come up with a universal theme for life that I apply to everything I do and say.  This year’s theme came to me around 8am on December 31st, 2007 as I was watching Vh1Soul. 

Life can bring us through many changes;
just don’t give up;
it’s gonna be alright.
People come and they go
it’s just the way that it goes
…”   – “It’s Alright” by Ledisi 

My theme for 2008 is simply: It’s Alright.  I know what you’re thinking, that could mean anything.  And that’s precisely the point.

It’s alright for me to say no.

It’s alright for me to look out for me.

It’s alright if I can’t be everywhere for everyone all at once, I’m not supposed to.

It’s alright if things change.

It’s alright to just be and not think about what people are going to say.

It’s alright to disappear for a while and do what I need to do for me.

And so on and so forth…

I’m not hurting anyone by not following this mantra, but myself.  I have to allow myself to do what I want to do, everyone else is.  Anyone who takes offense to it, wasn’t a true friend in the first place and I didn’t need that person around bringing me down.  


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Days of my Life

January 2008
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