the soundtrack of my life…

The Missing Part of Me, Part 2

Posted on: February 8, 2008

Sunday is THE day. I’m making THE phone call to my father.

For the first time in my life, I will hear my father’s voice.

This.is.HUGE!

Think about it — for 27 years, this man has been a myth, an idea, a thought, and now he’s a reality. I will no longer have to create a vision of who he is and what he does, I’ll know. Questions that I’ve had for a lifetime will finally be answered.

I’m nervous and anxious and excited all at once…I think I could call on Earl right now…

At the same time, I’m thinking about my mother. And how she’s feeling about all of this. I know she’s having some issues, whether she’ll admit it or not. On one hand, I think she’s happy that he wants to meet me and wanted me to call him. But on the other hand, it’s always just been me and her, now this other piece of the puzzle has been introduced. I’m not asking for her opinion or help, I’m doing this ON.MY.OWN.

The fact that I wrote him and really didn’t tell her about the letter until I saw his response on Monday morning — probably didn’t sit well and made her feel left out. But I didn’t want to tell her that I was writing the letter in the first place because I didn’t want her to talk me out of it or try to tell me what to put in it (like she would try to do.) This was something that I had to do in my own time, my own way.

Last night, I told her that I was going to be making THE call on Sunday evening. She told me not to get stressed about all this. (What would I be stressed about? I’m the least stressed at this point.) She also said she hopes that I will give her an update after the call. (Of course I will, I will keep her abreast on everything, but at the same time I’ve got to handle this on my terms, not hers…and that scares her just a bit.)

I’m sure this weekend will last forever, just because I’m eager to get to Sunday evening (which seems so far away.) I just hope I don’t have a nervous breakdown from the waiting before then…

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4 Responses to "The Missing Part of Me, Part 2"

I love you, MiMi. I’m very excited for you!

Today is Sunday and it is 6:42 in the evening, sending my thoughts and prayers your way. I wish you peace and blessings along this new journey.

Wow! This does sound huge! I hope it’s everything you want (and need) it to be.

That is huge! I hope you get what you are looking for and find peace with everything.

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