the soundtrack of my life…


Posted on: March 7, 2008

This is an ongoing entry…if I get the urge to write to someone — who I may or may not currently have contact with, but need to let them know how I’m feeling, then I will post the letter to them here…I decided to do this post after a bout of insomnia.  Sometimes I wish that I could’ve said things, but never got the chance or couldn’t find a way to say it.  Here goes:

Lo’Nique, I’m so glad to have you as a best friend.  We’ve been through a lot in the last 14 years and each year brings us closer.  You were one of the first people I met at Visi and we shared a bond instantly, not only because we had the same name but we were both unimpressed we were in summer school! (Ha ha ha!)  I know that I’ve been hard on you in more recent years, and I apologize if I hurt you in anyway, but I hope you know that my harsh words were all out of love.  I’m so proud of the woman and mother that you’ve become and I can’t wait to see you in April!  Love you like a sister, Lo’Chelle

To the people I had to let go, I do not regret letting each one of you go.  In one way or another, I needed to let you go to become a better person.  You brought negative energy to my life and, in your own way, you tried to hold me back and steal my shine.  I do wish that I would’ve handled the termination in a better way.  I’m sure most of you had no idea that I was feeling the way I was, and that was my fault.  But at the same time, when I tried to explain myself, you never took me serious — and that was NOT my fault.  With some of you, I gave up on the friendship because I just didn’t have the energy to devote anymore.  I don’t think that, as a friend, I should have to defend myself and my ways, when that’s just how I am and you knew that for years.  Hate is unnecessary but welcomed — if I step my game up, you should be motivated to do the same.  If you don’t have the motivation, don’t hate on me because I’m moving forward.  I hope that you now understand why the friendship had to end.

To my former roomate, I know it’s been 7 years but there have been things that I’ve needed to say to you, but for whatever reason you haven’t given me the chance to get things off my chest.  The way you went MIA really hurt me.  I know you were going through a tough time because of your aunt’s death, but I was left totally in the dark.  I called and left you messages, but you never even acknowledged me.  I would see you on campus and you would run and hide from me.  I don’t know if you realize how close we came to being evicted.  For you, that might not have been a big deal because you could’ve called Daddy and he would’ve been there in an hour with his truck to rescue you.  Me, on the hand, would’ve been assed out.  The Mexicans would’ve been able to have their way with my shit and you wouldn’t have given a damn.  I guess you didn’t want to see me because you knew you owed me money.  But it wasn’t about the money (yes, the money would’ve been great, but if I didn’t haven’t I wouldn’t have missed it…) and it still isn’t.  I know that you probably won’t ever see this, but I feel at peace now.  Maybe one day, I’ll be able to say this to you face to face…dah well.



7 Responses to "Letters"

I did a post similar to this when I wanted to clear things with my sister. I hope this gives you a peice of mind. I need to let go of negative people too…its hard but like you stills your shine so I got to whats best for me.

I have SO been in that roommate situation before!
I hope you feel better lil mama!

I had a very similar situation with my college roomate. I’m paying my half of the rent never knowing she wasn’t paying hers. She hid the eviction notice and everything. If I hadn’t been such a good tenant prior to that I would have been on the street, while she was spending her aid check on knockoff LV.

Writing those letters definitely helped to release some of the anger and frustration that I had towards people in my past. With the exception of the first letter to my best friend, they were things that I wanted to say to the people that hurt me, but just never got the opportunity to get those things off my chest…and I kept all of those words and emotions inside. The only one being hurt from keeping this inside was me…getting the thoughts out definitely lifted a weight off my shoulders.

FRM — Damn, not knockoff LV…at least I know that my former roommate was sending her money to pay rent and bills at her then-boyfriend’s apartment, which is where she was staying…

Thank you girl!!! you really touched me. It ‘sfunny i just clicked on the link cause I wanted to see the gun range pictures. Are there really pictures or have I been PUNKED? LMAO I love you so much girl you don’t even know. And I know the harsh words were actually words of encouragement I didn’t take too much offense cause basically you were always right on pernt. MUAH from me and Malachi see ya in April boo

Man that really spoke to me Boogie – its true some people have to exit your life. And sometimes the way it goes down should have been different, but in the end, it’s all for the best. I truly believe people fight for what they want. Keep fighting for yourself and what’s right for you!

[…] night.) My roommate was MIA and ended up moving in with her boyfriend and left me high and dry (see Letters.) I was really unhappy, and slipped into depression for a minute. Senior year and the end of my […]

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Days of my Life

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