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What’s in a name?

Posted on: April 16, 2008

So I was over at Babs’ spot (as always) and she was talking about her name issues. I, too, have serious name issues (among other issues! LOL) My biggest name issue — names that are too “creative.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for different names, but it seems like people (black and white, celebrities and common-folk) are getting too carried away. In my opinion, some of these names are setting the children up for failure.

As bad as it is, some of the names give away their ethnicity. Having worked in HR before, I know that sometimes a name can make the difference between getting a job and getting your resumé thrown in the trash. Wrong or not, I will admit that I may have looked at a name on a resumé and immediately thought that I wouldn’t hire that person if I was the hiring manager.

Celebrities

Yes, little Apple is a cutie-patootie NOW, but what the hell am I supposed to do with calling a 60 year old, grandmother of two Apple? Not a good look. Celebrities seem to get a pass for the nonsense they name their children, simply because they are rich and famous. Nu-uhn, not in my book! I mean, the only thing that celebrity kids don’t have to worry about (most times) is money/having to get a J.O.B! After reading the following list, I’m convinced that most celebrities need to be bitchslapped! One thing they do differently from common-folk is they try to make the whole name some cute and catchy phrase. See what I mean:

  • Audio Science (Parent Shannyn Sossamon)
  • Aurelius Cy (Parent: Elle MacPherson)
  • Blue Angel (Parent: The Edge from U2)
  • Indian August (Parent: Casey Affleck)
  • Memphis Eve (Parent: Bono from U2)
  • Moxie Crimefighter (Penn Gillette)
  • Phoenix Chi (Parent: Melanie Brown aka Scary Spice)
  • Pilot Inspektor (Parent: Jason Lee) WTF????
  • Poet Sienna Rose (Parent: Soleil Moon Fry) Did you really expect her to have a child named Katie???
  • Reign Beau (Parent: Ving Rhames)
  • Saffron Sahara (Parent: Simon LeBon)
  • Starlite Melody (Parent: Marisa Berenson

Please believe these names are off the wall, but they are NOT the worst.

Urban Names

Now I know there’s a chance that I’m going to offend someone, but I’m really not worried about that.  Urban/hood names need to stop! RIGHT NOW!  There is no reason for all of the damn apostrophes and the “big letter-small letter-big letter” thing.  All of the extra letters and syllables…yup, they need to go too!  Here are some extreme examples.  Half of them sound like diseases or prescription medicines and the other half?  I can’t begin to figure out how to pronounce them!

  • Ark’taveon
  • Au’shyiah
  • Al’javion
  • A’quavionta
  • Ah’Justice Armagedon (We got a first and middle name for this one…thanks, I think?)
  • A’Shaunda’ya
  • Ang’Aaliyah
  • BriJourne’
  • Cor’tilleous
  • Con’Tyjus
  • Chamyl’leon
  • Che’Lajhia
  • CarDaizeon
  • D’nieja
  • Ce’calvion
  • Da’Quaylin
  • Dakayjanai
  • Don’Quez
  • De’Priest
  • Da’Variria
  • Damillion
  • Elijahwon (I hope this wasn’t after Hakeem Olajuwon)
  • Err’imanhi
  • E-Mireyon’
  • G’Yainna
  • GaBereion
  • J’Coryn
  • Jah’Myri
  • Ja’Kyrick
  • Jakkerak
  • Ja’QwaVis
  • Jazme’yonnah
  • Kaliatanese
  • Mi’Uhon
  • Min’Tajah
  • Ni’Javious
  • Na’Chauncia
  • Onterrio
  • Othevious
  • PhaDaidreana
  • R’Careous
  • R’Khyzon
  • Synomious
  • Tethavias
  • Teohni
  • Ti’veon (Is that like TV on??)
  • Vaalyque
  • VaNivea
  • X’Zayveon
  • X’Zorion
  • Zy’Kavious
  • Zhaquavious

Now I know that was a long list, but that wasn’t even half of what I found.  I didn’t even acknowledge the “Qs”!!!

The Ugly

These parents need to be burned with an iron like Penny on Good Times!  Just look at this madness:

  • Bamboo (Parent: Big Boi from Outkast)
  • Bow-Ty (Parent: 50 Cent) I really hope this is wrong…
  • Fifi Trixibell and Peaches Honeyblossom (Parent: Bob Geldoff)
  • Jermajesty (Parent: Jermaine Jackson)
  • Messiah Ya’Majesty (Parent: T.I.)
  • Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo (Parent: Jamie Oliver)
  • Rumer, Tallulah Bell and Scout (Parents: Bruce Willis and Demi Moore) What is with these people setting up multiple children???
  • Puma and Seven Sirius (Parent: Erykah Badu)
  • Tu (Parent: Rob Morrow) Read: the child’s name is Tu Morrow WTF???
  • Tryumph and Whizdom (Parent: Jayson Williams)

Now, I don’t have any kids yet, but please believe that when I do have kids, I will be sure to think about how the name I choose will affect their lives.  I hope you will do the same!

Thanks, from your unborn children…

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14 Responses to "What’s in a name?"

Hee Hee – that was funny

I feel like I was decoding some secret language trying to pronounce these.
Con’Tyjus = contagious?
E-Mireyon’ = Omarion?

The NFL alone has Plaxico, Lawyer, Priest, Tiki, Earthwind and D’Brickashaw (which takes the cake). But they stand out in a good way. You know exactly who they are!
But Beyonce? Giiiiiiiiiirll… I know more girls ages 5-7 names Beyonce than I care to mention. It’s the norm now. And Big Boi has another child named Cross. :-/

Cool post!

*Coop* — I didn’t even want to get started on athletes. That’s a whole ‘nother post! Because I have met Mr. Scientific Mapp. That fool told me his name was Science. I said, and I quote, “I know yo momma didn’t name you that!” His response was “actually, my mother named me Scientific and my brother’s name is Majestic!” (Google them negroes, they played college ball)

I was thinking about this the other day because, some girl came into my job named Quinessential or something like that. I think famous people do it cause they figure their children will always be around show business, not have to work, or press.
Every day people must dream their children will one day become famous so, they give them odd names.
Quin, up above, her mother predestined here to be a stripper. Oh and one more thing, I had a girl tell me she gave her child an “ethinic” name. I couldn’t even say it or spell it. So, who is goingto call someone for a job if they don’t know how to say the name.
Oh thisreally is the last thing, this is for the Beyonce name, I remember when Aaliyah was all the rage.
I wrote a blog. (forgive mistakes)

I can get with Aaliyah because it has an arabic meaning. However, all I can do is shudder when I hear some of these for lack of a better term, interesting names ppl give their kids. Whats next? Some hippie/celebrity person naming their kid Daffodil Starblaze? Rachael Ray naming her kid Elaina Veronica Orina Olisa (check the initials)? smh

ahahaha!! man pilot inspektor is my ish!!! you KNOW he already know’s what he wants to be when he grows up…Paging Pilot Inspektor your arr need to inspect a pilot..lol

Bow-Ty???

Like the pasta???

what a fucking idiot.

Poor kid.

Sharon — Quintessential? Lord, have mercy on these people’s parents for they know not what the do!

brran1 — Yeah Aaliyah and names that have meaning really don’t bother me as much now, but the madness has to stop somewhere!

*DEAD* at EVOO! You’re a fool for that one! LMAO

Bahama — I mean with a name like Pilot Inspektor, he really has no choice but to actually be one! Dr. Pilot Inspektor, OB-GYN? GTFOH!

apollocreed — Yeah, I’m really hoping that it’s not actually his name, but then again, it IS 50 so it could be legit. Think of the teasing that kid is going to have to deal with…

LOL!! These names give me the creeps! How could people harm an innocent child like that?! ‘Reign Beau’= Rainbow… Seriously?!

That list is crazy… this is why they are trying to get a law passed for state approval on the name of your child. A judge in another country recently… I forget denied some parents whatever they wanted to name their son. Though I think that is a bit much… I do hate name that have a whole bunch of punctuation… they should limit the amount of letter and apostrophe’s and the world would be a better place.

And I dont think that 50 cent one is right… unless he has another kid somewhere that no one knows about because his son’s name is marquiese

Honest to goodness… this is the funniest post I’ve read in a minute… and I’ve read a lot. Tears! LOVE IT!

Bruce Willis should also get a lifetime achievement award for the many great films that he had .

when i am watching action movies, i really love to see bruce willis in it “-.

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